Busy But Not Busy + Dealing With Stress
Busy but…yeah…not busy
So I’ve fallen super behind with not only this blog but also with my Writing World blog. I’ve been busy and yet…not so busy. Productive and yet horrendously lazy. How is this possible? I get things done but not nearly as many things as I could. At least the important things get done.
For example, the laundry gets done on a regular basis (we need clean clothes, right?) and food gets served for every meal. I pay bills (on time) and go to the library to pick up books and movies. I’m practicing the POP4 choreography and have set everything up for my first class.
How am I not productive? I still need to get the whole bank thing figured out with PayPal (issues with an old PayPal account that I’ve been ignoring for literally years). I’m practicing my verbal cues for POP4 but not actually exercising.
What…the…heck? I don’t know. It’s a mental/emotional thing at this point. I can’t explain it nor do I understand it. I have theories but since I’m not a psychologist, I can only accept the situation and deal with it. I’m good at accepting things without much question. While I’m not happy about it, I can only accept it and eventually move on.
And then there’s stress. I’m moving to another state at the end of this month so, naturally, I wanted to get my POP Pilates evaluation video completed before that. May 1st came and I was all, “OMG! What?? It’s already MAY??”
I stressed and stressed thinking about where I could do it and when and trying to get people to come. I kept telling myself it would be fine and everything would work out, but nothing was set up so I stressed. It’s what I do.
If I was prone to getting grey hair (which I’m not despite my family background), my hair would look like a skunk’s back. Finally on Monday I drove around to places asking for information etc. No anxiety or panic attacks. I breathed. I was fine. I wanted to scream and run away from everything.
Now, before you feel sorry for me or go “wtf is wrong with her,” please understand that this is just what I do. In cases like this, I always have my little freak out session. Actually, it doesn’t feel little. It feels like a whopping huge freak out session, but when compared with people with serious issues, my reactions are relatively minor. I know this and try to give myself pep talks while I breathe deeply and slowly to prevent hyperventilating.
I forced myself to go from place to place, talking with people I didn’t want to talk to in order to get things settled. Eventually I ordered myself to make a decision on when and where it would be.
Next I created an event on FB for it…but then couldn’t invite anyone. WHAT??!! I found out a day or two later that I created the event under an author page I hadn’t published yet. I alternately wanted to laugh and scream at myself. Laughing won out.
The moment I finished creating the page and fixing the event, my stress button was deactivated. Now I have no worries at all and I’m right as rain (I love rain by the way…just not exercising in it). Weird how that happens.
There are so many variables I can’t control here and that drives me insane. So I tell myself over and over that I have to accept that I can’t control everything and focus on what I can. When I’ve dealt with everything I can control, it’s out of my hands and the stress melts away.
Tomorrow one of my classmates will be doing her class and I’m so happy I’ll be able to go to that to help her out. It’ll be good to see how she does everything and it’ll be relaxing being able to listen and follow along, enjoying the ride instead of directing it myself. This will be the 2nd POP Pilates class I’ve ever taken so I’m looking forward to that.